Quick late night update

Well I guess I should be in bed by now and I guess most of you already are (the sensible ones anyway!!!).

No photos to share, no layouts to share, not much to share really except that I'm working full time AGAIN to help the finances (like the good WIFEY I now officially am! lol). I'm working in the cardiology department of a children's hospital here in Brisbane and every day is teaching me to be amazingly grateful for my challenging but healthy children. It's awful and sad to hear beautiful babies and little kids coming in and having to have painful, uncomfortable things done to them so that the very dedicated doctors can check on their progress and find out what they have to about their young patients. The nurses are amazing and so wonderfully caring. Hearing them cry after an injection or sedation makes me want to run in and pick them all up and cuddle them but it has to be done and the doctors and nurses are amazing people. What I didn't expect is that it makes me want to hurry home and see my own babies and hug them. I'm thankful to God that my kids are all okay with no major health issues. Jamie has a heart murmur that plays up when he's got a bad cold or a fever but apart from that they're all perfect.

I, on the other hand, am not quite so perfect in that respect. For the curious, I've had a heart arrhythmia for about eight months now which didn't bother me too much when it first began and didn't bother me at all when I started going to the gym every day in the couple of months before the wedding. I got slack after the wedding, missed a couple of weeks at the gym and got some palpitations one day and figured I should probably go back to the gym cos I didn't have them at all while I was doing that. Wrong move on my behalf as I went to the gym that night, ready to go hard like I had been doing for two months, and only lasted 10 minutes on the cross-trainer before the palpitations and fatigue got me. I went and sat on a recumbent bike for a few minutes but it didn't ease up at all so I went to my local medical centre and the very lovely doctor suggested an electrocardiogram which tracks what your heart rhythm is doing. Turns out I had lots of early or skipped beats, called ventricular ectopic beats for those with a medical background. It was awful, felt like my heart was banging sideways against my wind pipe and I couldn't get a full breath in. I wasn't scared, just felt weird and uncomfortable and I did a lot of occasional loud deep breaths because I felt short of air a lot. My very thorough doctor sent me immediately to a cardiologist to have things checked out and I had a Holter monitor put on before Christmas. You get sticky pads stuck to your boobs for 24 hours while the little clip on monitor (like an Ipod except no cool music!!!) sits on your waist and you press a button every time you feel something weird with your heart. Well from the day I went back to the gym until the day after the monitor was taken off I had palpitations almost constantly. Drove me freaking nuts it did. I was constantly exhausted, short of breath, had that awful feeling of a banging in my chest from the moment I got up until I went to sleep at night and even woke up in the night with really hard palpitations. At least the monitor caught all of that and it turns out I have these early or missed beats quite a lot. On my doctor's advice I haven't even set foot in my gym since and I can't tell you how much I miss it. I never EVER thought I'd say that. But now, weeks later, it's playing up again and I'm having trouble barely functioning each day due to tiredness. I have a stress echocardiogram next week which is where they strap you to a treadmill and basically pump up the intensity until you say "uncle" so they can get a picture of what your heart is doing while you're busting your ass on the treadmill and putting your heart under stress. It turns out I have a nasty family history of something called atrial fibrillation where your heart beats constantly at an uncontrolled weird rhythm and almost everyone on my mother's side of the family has it but I had yet another electrocardiogram yesterday for chest pain and breathlessness and it turns out my pattern doesn't indicate that. The lovely doctor I saw said she thought it was because of stress and my lifestyle. I KNOW I'm not alone here when I say I don't know what else I can cut back on!!! Yes I work - occasionally full time if the budget requires but mostly no more than the odd few days here and there - but this week I've been full time and doing a second typing job at home as well, plus working at Cyberscraps because I love being there, not because I have to be there, and suddenly I have more magazine work than I've ever had. On the scrapping front that's fantastic and very much what I wanted. I wanted it to pay enough so I didn't have to work if I could help it. So I have articles, layouts and product challenges to complete soon too which are all stressful even though the process of creating is fun for me. The deadlines are stressful iykwim? I rarely work to deadlines and Cath at Cyberscraps is just fantastic at letting Cass and I do what we do in our own time and our own space. You couldn't ask for a better shop owner to work for and I feel like I haven't had the energy to support her business like I should as a design team member either lately. It makes my heart sick for other reasons when I feel like I'm letting peopel down....

So...my very kind doctor has prescribed sleeping tablets for a month because I don't sleep very well and haven't for years now. I took one last night but it didn't help at all so we'll see about tonight. I've accepted a three day a week temp assignment at the same section where I'm working now for the next six weeks because we want to refinance and get a new car and that requires some kind of double income action I think so I'm doing my best to help out there.

Now I'm tired and I think i'm typing gobbledegook so I'll go to bed but I'm just venting for me more than anyone else. I'm tired yet trying to be movitated, I'm sorry but I want to do what i have to for everyone else, I'm happy but I'm struggling, I'm flat as a tack but usually do my best not to show it. I just want to be normal and find a way to make it all work. Shit, I guess I'm just like everyone else!!!! lol

Sorry there's no great update here. I did do a layout tonight for the first time in about a month or so. I'll formally apologise to my lovely Cath at Cyberscraps because I know I owe her some work but I sat and did something totally for me to get back into the swing of things. I have a couple of layouts that I half-finished tonight that I want to do over the weekend which are just for the shop. Did you know we got some of that AMAZING grungeboard in??? We didn't get nearly enough but let's face it- it's expensive and a bit commitment for a shop to make if we're not sure it will sell but Cass was looking at it yesterday and she says it's totally fabulous so I'm taking her word for it because if anyone is a good judge of chipboard it's our Cass. If you love grundgeboard or want some then feel free to have a look at what we've ordered in at Cyberscraps and if we're sold out already then send us an email or give us a ring and we'll see what we can do. Popularity is an amazing thing so if you want it I'm sure we can get more and I'm also really sure we're cheaper than most online stores too!

Alright, now my pillow is calling but that's where I am right now. Tired. Spent. Working anyway. Trying to fit in whatever little scrapping I can. I do have some pics to share and by next week hopefully there'll be some layouts too.

Take care of all of you. okay? Love, Lu